“más y more”

from a journal entry 5/7/25

This piece is trying harder. It is a feeling over the past two years. It is wanting to be loved romantically. It is wanting to work the rest of my life to make a partner happy— to place myself second.
It was accepting the truth. It won’t happen, today. It is questioning my own, “Am I not enough?”.

It is looking at myself again and looking to rebuild, to look at what I have and be grateful. And I am. What I’ve done as an artist. Who I am as a son, as a brother, as an uncle. It is being grateful for the close friends, the deep connections built on trust (and ofc, tea). Yet, what I’ve done and what others celebrate with me is somehow not enough. It is also saying “I’m not happy.” These two things exist simultaneously. 

It is wanting to sleep past 5am, to stay awake past 9pm. This work is wanting to rest. To stop. To say “no”. To say “yes”. To let go and to cry. Because I know I want to. Because I know I can, and won’t.
This work is wanting to release. To be seen in this state of conflict, of who I am and know of myself: if I rest, if I stop…

If I rest, if I stop, it means I’ll miss it. The work. The “struggle”. Maybe I am the drama. No, it is engrained in me. I’ve seen my parents do it—work. This is the Mexican immigrant experience. No, the immigrant experience. No, the minority experience.

This work wants to rest. But it can only exist by coming from work. So, how do I embrace the work, can I just “werk”? I want to. I want to push myself and I want to bring you with. I want us to “werk” to rest. I want más y more. More love, more love for work. The love to rest. The love waiting for me and the love I’ll work to give. The rest I find, and the more rest I want to earn. More and more. More celebrations. More unconditional love. Mas amor.

Dig into the work via text. Read the published writing by Emily Gastineau by clicking the button:

The team

Connor Berkompas - Stage Hand/Production Assistant
is a theatremaker and teaching artist. He is the founding artistic director of Nervous Theatre, a nomadic collective creating ensemble-driven productions. His work has been presented at Tinworks Art (Bozeman), Surel’s Place (Boise), The Boston Conservatory, and Gloucester Stage Company. connorberkompas.com

Emily Gastineau - Dramaturg + Embedded Writer
is an artist working with language across the field of dance. Based in Minneapolis since 2009, she appears as a choreographer, writer, performer, editor, and cultural worker. She makes in relation to the complex history of experimentation, with recurring questions around objects, desire, economy, citation, audience, and the generic. Her performance work has been developed and presented in North America and Europe, and she maintains a practice in arts writing and publishing. She studied at DAS Choreography, Amsterdam University of the Arts, and is teaching at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design in fall 2025. www.emilygastineau.com

Mik Finnegan (they/she) - Sound Board Operator
is an audio professional in the Twin Cities. They graduated from University of Minnesota - Twin Cities in 2020 with a degree in Theatre Arts. Since then Mik has worked around the Twin Cities and remotely in recording studios, podcast production, live music, dance and theater.

Dylan Hester - Sound Designer
is a sound artist & writer based in Saint Paul, Minnesota, working with field recordings, textural sounds, and long-form audio storytelling. Their debut record, “Honey, I Mischanneled the Oracle,” was self-released in 2024 on their label A Sharpened Whisper. Dylan currently performs under the name Diane Oxide.

D Hunter (they/them) - Performer
is a Minneapolis-based performance artist from Tempe, Arizona. D’s work is interested in how surveillance and voyeurism affect the queer body, and the horror and ecstasy and absurdity of having a body at all. They are inspired by yarn bombers, powerlifters, zombies, and more. Since moving to Minneapolis, D has had the opportunity to perform for Shane Larson in Arena Dance’s Candy Box Dance Festival, Morgan Thorson in the Great Northern Festival and the Dark Sky Festival, and for Taja Will and Mathew Janczewski in the Cowles Center Merge in March.

José A. Luis - Choreographer/Performer
was born in Veracruz, Mexico and raised in Racine, WI. He has lived in Milwaukee, Chicago, and now Minneapolis as of 2017. Relocation, departure, and arrival are motifs in his personal life, but present in his works by shaping time and space. Considered a “late-dancer”, his ability to learn and unlearn in sync led him to graduate UW-Milwaukee with a BFA in 2013. Circumstances have led him to serve as both choreographer and dancer in a solo path, but never limiting opportunities to welcome collaborations, residencies to shift his perspectives, and presentations to reflect who he is through dance. Determination led to his first self-produced solo show in September 2021 by threading pieces over nine years and across different cities, cementing his voice as an independent artist. The intimate, introspective, honest approach of his choreography is also present in his dancing, paving the way as a dancer in other artist’s work. José’s tenacity, skill, and acceptance in navigating the imperfectness of being human is at the forefront of who he is—in and outside the dance floor. For a thorough biography: www.jose.dance/bio

Tracy V. Joe - Lighting Designer
is delighted to work on this heartfelt dance production with Jose. Tracy is a local freelance lighting designer and electrician in the Twin Cities with experience in theatre, opera, dance and music. Previous companies include The Hive Collaborative, Lakeshore Players, Walking Shadow, UW - La Crosse, Des Moines Metro Opera (Electrician), Ballet Co. Laboratory, and currently Chanhassen Dinner Theatre (Electrician).

Credits

“No Comma” + “James Dean” (instrumental) — Slayyter

“himalayan singing bowl hymn part 1” — Lo-Fang

“Wismut” — Signal

Videography - Tamara Ober

Dress Rehearsal Photos - Bill Cameron

Space Reconfiguration - Matt Regan

José A. Luis is a fiscal year 2025 recipient of a Creative Support for Individuals grant from the Minnesota State Arts Board. This activity is made possible by the voters of Minnesota through a grant from the Minnesota State Arts Board, thanks to a legislative appropriation from the arts and cultural heritage fund.